Have you seen this woman? When Ms. Nice isn't so nice

I have a MIL whose career is Nice-ness. She lives her life to look nice and "be nice" but of course, she gets to define what Nice is, which is always whatever she wants. Unfortunately for me, she is so good at her career that she has convinced her entire family to crown her Queen and live to obey her slightest wish. I am very jealous, I must admit, because I have not mastered the art of forcing others to my will without leaving a mark and never accumulating blame, no matter what I've done. This woman is also a black belt in masking her motives, so that she cannot be called out on that basis, either. She is Untouchable and worshiped as a saint by her family. Not a negative word may be spoken about her, no wish she makes known may be left unmet, her every desire must be instantly fulfilled no matter who else might get trampled in the rush. Yet her family believes that she is selfless, loving and The Perfect One. Our Lady of Guadalupe is an abused woman compared to the blind worship this MIL receives.

It is frustrating to watch, to be on the neglected end of a relationship with one of her children. It seems to me that this affliction is rather common in certain ways, though. For instance, the elevated level of Family Love seems to be in direct proportion with the reduced size of the family that it encompasses. For example, this woman's one stated aim is love, her one driving purpose is Family (well, it's more like making sure her family is Nice by her definition), but the Family in question consists only of blood relations on her side. Her sisters, her brothers, her children. I didn't have such strong family feelings in my family of origin, so I am much more able to feel concern for and take action to help a larger family: co-workers, humanity, life on earth.

I wish I knew how she did it, to tell the truth. She makes you think she is all-giving, all-loving, all about caring for her family. But when you step back, she's really all about getting, being loved, and being taken care of. Without having the label "selfish" attached to her, ever! How's she do it?!

And boy, do I hate her. Not only for getting everyone to dance to her tune while thinking she's so generous and thoughtful of others, but because in the 37 years I've known her, I've never seen a shred of evidence that she's ever felt even a moment's guilt or doubt about her behavior, motives or treatment of others. And of course, with this reputation for saintliness, anyone pointing out the Empress really isn't wearing new clothes (i.e., isn't so saintly, loving, unselfish, etc) is labeled as petty and nasty and deserving of their neglect in the Queen's favor. Again, she wins, you lose.

The only way to survive is to play it her way, either by just going along with whatever she wants or by coming up with 'thoughtful', 'selfless' reasons to ignore her wishes and do what you want. Like, "Oh, no, we're having Christmas at our house--I wouldn't dream of asking you to have it. You're so busy, I'm sure you don't have time to get your house ready for guests." Ha, masterful! It not only sounds sweet, but implies she doesn't keep a clean house--which is one of her Prime Values--and can't manage to get it that way. Bwahahahahaha.

Hmm, maybe some of the Master's techniques have rubbed off after all... She's got a big (and OLD) birthday coming up. I'll see what I can do.